I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
