Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
