I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
