bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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