they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize