It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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