Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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