So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
