they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
