Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
