The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
