Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
