Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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