there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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