i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
