Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize