somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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