You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
