Soap is not a condiment
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
