Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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