My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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