Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
