if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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