The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
