Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
