he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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