genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She even gives head with a lisp.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
