Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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