Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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