then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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