ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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