I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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