Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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