i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
