There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
