Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
