You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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