Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize