His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The struggles of a small town man whore
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
