her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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