a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
