It's Friday. Sex?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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