I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
