so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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