I looked at my own cervix.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
