I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
