i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize