Apparently you make a good broom.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
