I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
