he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
