Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
