So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
