I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
