problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
