sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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