Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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