Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
