There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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