There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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