if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize