Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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