i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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