and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
