I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
