I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
