i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
