and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
BRING THE BAGELS
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
