to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
