If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why do cheetos always look like penises
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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